Dane Cook Quotes

I just want to run up and spank my dad's ass and run off screaming, "I'm your son from the future! Ahhhh!! I'm from the future, I'm your son!"



I don't like that. I don't like it when juice wears tights. It's a horrible combination, a bowl of juice wearing tights.



I always wanted to be a snake. Everytime I saw a snake of TV. I'd always say WHY NOT ME?!?!



We were so poor growing up, that little iron...we had to actually use that little iron. That's not funny. It takes a long time to iron a shirt with that tiny little iron. {Monopoly}