George Bush Pretzel Jokes

"President Bush was munching on some pretzels when he choked and fainted. All this time we were worrying about Osama bin Laden, turns out he was almost done-in by Mr. Salty." —Jay Leno

"Now you'll be glad to know the president will practice safe snacks." —First Lady Laura Bush, discussing her husband's pretzel mishap, on the Tonight Show With Jay Leno

"Our president is in town, George W. Bush. It's a fundraiser. They're being very creative, you've got to give them credit. For $10,000 you can give George Bush the Heimlich Maneuver." —David Letterman

"President Bush this week said that between going to war and raising twins, he'd pick war. His daughters Jenna and Barbara then sent him a big bag of pretzels for the Super Bowl." —Dennis Miller

"Here's good news, President Bush has recovered from the pretzel choking episode. I tell you, I never thought I would hear 'White House' and 'gag-reflex' in the same sentence again." —David Letterman

"Earlier tonight, George W. Bush gave his State of the Union. Here's what George W. set as his agenda. He has three goals. One, fight terrorism. Number two, he's going to improve the economy. And number three, he's going to do his best not to pass out during the Super Bowl." —David Letterman

"President Bush got through the Super Bowl without event. The Secret Service pre-chewed his pretzels." —David Letterman

"Yesterday, President Bush unveiled a $38 billion dollar homeland security plan. The president said that under the new plan, we can wipe out the threat of pretzels in our lifetime." —Conan O'Brien

"Today the Hart Senate building was re-opened after all traces of anthrax were removed. In a related story, the White House was re-opened today as well, after all traces of pretzel were removed." —Conan O'Brien

"Poor guy, he blacked out and hit the ground and he was out for four seconds. Fortunately, those were the same four seconds that Dick Cheney was conscious yesterday." —David Letterman

"A doctor on TV today said the reason this happened to President Bush is because he has lower than average blood pressure. Can't this guy ace one test in his life. All his numbers are lower than average." —Jay Leno

"Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel." —David Letterman

"Earlier today, Bush's cabinet told him that they had nothing to do with helping Enron. Bush had trouble swallowing that as well." —David Letterman

"Over the weekend, the President passed out after choking on a pretzel. Better than the old days, when he used to choke on vowels. Remember that?" —Jay Leno

"I guess what happened was, Bush passed out, banged his head on a table, then came to a few seconds later. Today Bush said it was just like being back in college." —Jay Leno

"My favorite thing about this so far is that on MSNBC the other day they were calling President Bush's dogs heroes, because they 'kept guard' over him while he was passed out. The dogs aren't heroes, they were just waiting to see how long he would be passed out, so they could steal his pretzels and eat them." —Jay Leno

"They are taking this pretty seriously. White House staffers spent all day yesterday child-proofing the residence." —Jay Leno

"They ran to get Dick Cheney, and they realized nobody could remember the undisclosed location he was hiding in." —Jay Leno

"I told a joke to the audience last night and it triggered their Vagus nerve and they all passed out." —David Letterman

"This is exactly the sort of accident that befalls Homer Simpson, night after night." —The London Daily Telegraph, in an editorial explaining why the pretzel incident proves Bush is a "man of the people"

"Chew slowly." —A note scrawled on a big bag of pretzels that President Bush sent back to the press cabin on Air Force One, a day after he fainted after choking on a pretzel

"Mother, I should have listened to you. Always chew your pretzels before you swallow" —President Bush

Cool Food Facts

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye...and YES science now shows that carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.


A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart is red and has four chambers. All of the research shows tomatoes are indeed pure heart and blood food.



Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows that grapes are a lso profound heart and blood vitalizing food.



A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds are on the nut just like the neo-cortex. We now know that walnuts help develop over 3 dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.



Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.



Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet the body pulls it from the bones, making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.



Eggplant, Avocadoes and Pears target the health and function of the womb and ce rvix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats 1 avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? .... It takes exactly 9 months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).



Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the motility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm &n bsp;to swell to overcome mal e sterility.



Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.



Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries



Grapefruits, Oranges, and other Citrus fr uits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.



Onions look like body cells. Today's research shows that onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes

CHIMO

CHIMO is derived from the Inuktitut language. According to folklore, when two people met on the Arctic tundra, they rubbed their chests in a circular motion and said, "Chimo" , meaning "Are you friendly?" The answer was a repeat of the gesture and the word "Chimo!" ("Yes, I am friendly!)

The salutation has been adopted by the military engineers, (without the "chest thumping and rubbing", at least, most of the time:-), and when two engineers (or more) meet, the word will be definitely heard.
If you, on parting company with an engineer after first meeting Her/Him, - have been accorded the parting word "CHIMO", then be assured you have made a new friend, and have been deemed worthy to be a friend to the engineer "Family."

Sorry

I'm sorry that i haven't been blogging for a while but I was mourning. You see my grandmother died this past Friday and just this Wednesday I was a pallbearer at her funeral. She died of Cardio-Vascular disease at the age of 72. So I've decided to do something for her in memoriam of her life. So for every comment this post recieves i'm going to donate 10¢ to the Heart and Stroke Foundation. So please comment because that could mean a lot of money to a good cause.

Bush faints at White House, recovers quickly

President Bush was doing well and back at work Monday after fainting briefly in the White House residence while choking down a pretzel a day earlier.

"I feel great," Bush told reporters on the White House lawn as he prepared to board a helicopter for a two-day trip to the Midwest and Louisiana.

"My mother always said, 'When you're eating pretzels, chew before you swallow,"' Bush said. "Always listen to your mother."

White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president had been checked by his physician, Dr. Richard Tubb, Monday and his vital signs were normal. Bush had never before had a fainting spell, Fleischer said after checking with the president.

"I hit the deck," Bush said in recounting for reporters how, alone in a room with his dogs, he had passed out while watching a football game on television. "Woke up and there was Barney and Spot showing a lot of concern."

The president looked a bit tired but otherwise fit when he stopped to assure reporters that he was doing well. Bush shared few details about the episode.

"I didn't realize what happened before I looked at the mirror and my glasses cut the side of my face," the president said, pointing to an abrasion on his upper left cheek. "I had good blood pressure last night. Good blood pressure this morning."

Tubb said in a telephone interview Sunday that Bush quickly recovered from the episode, apparently brought on by swallowing a pretzel awkwardly which triggered a temporary decrease in heart rate. He said the president had been feeling under the weather over the weekend.

Bush, 55, suffered an abrasion on his left cheek the size of a half dollar and a bruise on his lower lip from falling onto the floor from a couch.

The president fainted while alone in a room at the White House residence, watching the Baltimore-Miami National Football League playoff game on television and eating pretzels.

"He said it (the pretzel) didn't seem to go down right," Tubb said in a telephone interview. "The next thing he knew, he was on the floor."

A nurse on duty at the White House was summoned at 5:40 p.m. EST. Tubb was paged eight minutes later. Bush, under his own power, used an elevator to go downstairs to the doctor's office for a complete exam.

Tubb said Bush believes he was out only for a few seconds because when he awoke, his two dogs were sitting in the same position they were when he lost consciousness.

"But the dogs were looking at him funny," Fleischer added.

Tubb, an Air Force colonel, examined Bush, including monitoring his heart, and found nothing abnormal.

But Bush has a rigorous exercise regime that keeps both his blood pressure and heart rate at low levels — a healthy plus that in this case appeared to be a factor in the fainting spell.

The pretzel-caused coughing apparently stimulated a nerve that further slowed Bush's heart rate, Tubb said.

In medical terms, it's called vasovagal syncope. The body sends a signal to the heart via the vagus nerve, slowing heart rate enough that the person briefly loses consciousness.

It's very common. Fear, even intestinal cramps, can cause vasovagal fainting.

"It's thought that pretty much everybody has one simple faint in their life. We see folks every day that have had a vasovagal reaction," said Dr. David Skibbie of Inova Fairfax Hospital in suburban Virginia. "It's alarming, but if everything checks out it's fine and they can go home without any concerns about their future health."

A vasovagal episode isn't the only possibility, Skibbie said. Somewhat less common is cough syncope, where a coughing episode — similar to what Bush reportedly had — can increase pressure in the chest enough to momentarily lower blood pressure. It, too, is benign.

Ironically, people in good physical shape actually are more prone to such types of fainting, because their blood pressure and heart rate already is so low, he noted.

It is the first health scare for Bush as president.

But Tubb insisted it did not appear related to stress of extra work brought on by Bush's duties as commander in chief and the war in Afghanistan.

One possible additional factor, Tubb said, was that Bush had acknowledged feeling under the weather this weekend, as if he were coming down with a head cold. He continued his daily exercises nonetheless.

Special Thanks to USA Today

Tina Fey On Rachel Ray

Malaysia cracks down on bloggers

The Malaysian government has warned it could use tough anti-terrorism laws against bloggers who insult Islam or the country's king.

The move comes as one of Malaysia's leading online commentators has been questioned by police following a complaint by the main governing party.

The new rules would allow a suspect to be detained indefinitely, without being charged or put on trial.

But officials insist the law is not intended to strangle internet freedom.

Online critics

Deputy Prime Minister Najib Razak told The Straits Times that the move was aimed at getting some moderation in postings on the internet, especially on sensitive issues: "Some people feel that they have crossed the line, in making racist remarks," he said.

But the BBC's Jonathan Kent in Kuala Lumpur says the government also appears increasingly concerned about the growing online criticism of its record.

Raja Petra Kamarudin, the editor of one of Malaysia's most popular political websites, Malaysia Today, turned himself in to police on Wednesday, to answer allegations that he had mocked Islam and threatened racial harmony.


Bloggers who insult the king could be subject to anti-terror laws
Raja Petra is known for his frequent criticism of Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and other government figures.

"I was alleged to have insulted the king, and also Islam and incite racial hatred, so I am going in there to reply to all these charges. I promise I'm going to give them a hell of a tough time," he told the BBC before he turned himself in.

He defended his website, saying: "Many people, especially the non-Malays in this country, do not have a forum to air their views."

"We should not deny these people a chance to vent their feelings," he said.

Malaysia Today is believed to attract around a quarter of a million visitors a day, giving it more readers than most Malaysian newspapers.

The BBC's correspondent says that with a general election on the horizon, the government seems keen to send a signal to its online critics that it will only tolerate so much.

Special Thanks to BBC News